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Learning to Read: How My Natural Reader Began Reading

— I have four children who have always been homeschooled. They learned to read in four very different ways, though there are some important similarities too (all four have me for a mother, after all). This is the first in a series of posts examining how each of my children learned to read. —

Nova is sixteen years old as of this writing. When she’s not drawing, she is either reading, or she is writing on any one of at least a half-dozen different fantasy stories she has going at any given moment. I am a reader myself, and I began collecting books for her early. Much to my husband’s bemusement, I began purchasing children’s books before the birth – I managed to hold off until I was at least five months along. (I remember the first one I had to buy: Animalia by Graeme Base. It was so beautiful, I couldn’t resist.)

learn to readI don’t specifically remember reading aloud to her while I was pregnant (though I think that is a good idea), but I did begin reading to her before she could sit up. She loved rhythmic stories such as Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb. If I have occasion to read it these days, I still read it in the same cadence she loved, keeping a steady beat with no pauses, even between the pages.

Books were her first, best toys. As a toddler, she used to sit on the floor in front of her bookshelf, put her forefinger on the top of the spine of a book, and pull firmly until it came off the shelf, repeating until she had all her friends on the floor with her. After she nearly put her eye out a time or two by flipping sharp corners directly toward her face, I transferred her books into baskets so she could make her messes with less threat of injury.

Starting to Read and Write

When she was old enough to hold the books and turn the pages herself, I would “read” to her while I was driving. We kept a basket of board books in the car, and I would recite each page (I had them all memorized by this point) and say “Ding!” when it was time for her to turn the page.

Sometime around eighteen months, when she was barely talking, she began saying a phrase I couldn’t figure out. She would walk around saying “ah goo, ah goo, ah goo” and I could tell it had meaning to her, but I couldn’t quite figure out what she meant by it. Then one day I saw her plop down with our well-read copy of Where the Wild Things Are, carefully turning each page, until she came to the page where “that very night in Max’s room a forest grew … and grew … and grew …” and as she turned each page she recited, “ah goo … ah goo … ah goo …” and I knew she was reading.


She would bring a book to anyone sitting still. This is my midwife, shortly after the birth of baby #2, being coerced into reading with Nova.

No, of course she was not decoding the phonics of the written words, but she was getting meaning from the book and understanding the story on her own, which is after all, at its heart, what reading is.

Around her third birthday, we had to send a birthday card to a family member. I handed her the card and a pen for her to “sign her name” … that is, make a scribble. She took the pen from me and carefully wrote each letter of her name. I had never shown her how to write her name or even talked with her much about the alphabet other than in the most general terms, and of course reading books such as Dr. Seuss’s ABC and Applebet, one of my all-time favorite alphabet books. I am not a proponent of programs to teach very young children to read, but it was clear to me that she was going to be one of those kids who just picks it up early and effortlessly.

Hitting a Speed Bump

Her headlong progress stalled out, however. I fully expected her to be reading independently somewhere between four and five – again, without me pushing, pressuring, or even teaching her to read, just because she was “that kind of kid.” But though she progressed almost magically on her own to the point of reading simple words or phrases, if I showed her a page with more than two or three words on it, she would physically turn her head away, stating, “It’s too hard.” Please understand, I wasn’t trying to get her to read books other than the simple picture books she loved, or even pushing her to read in any way; I was following her natural progression until she suddenly stopped for no reason I could discern.

I feel very blessed to have learned what I learned next, because it is not an avenue I would have pursued on my own, at least not so early. I was talking to a friend at church about some behavioral issues with Nova and she said, “You might want to consider vision therapy.” I had not heard of this but after she told me her child’s story, I had an appointment with her vision doctor quicker than you could say “Jack jumped over the candlestick.”

We already knew that she had vision problems. Around her second birthday, she began crossing her eyes. An exam with a regular eye doctor put her into glasses to correct her severe hyperopia (far-sightedness) and also mild astigmatism. When she wore her glasses (which she did at all times) her eyes didn’t cross, but as soon as they were off her eyes would cross again.

A Lazy Eye

Her exam revealed that she was not using her binocular vision; that is, her eyes did not work in sync, but one at a time. Look at a page of print and try to read it while alternating using your eyes: close first one eye then the other and repeat that in succession, and you’ll see why more than three words on a page was “too hard” for my daughter. Her glasses stayed, of course, as her vision was so poor, but our new eye doctor did remove the correction for astigmatism from her prescription. He said she did have astigmatism, but when she focused on something, her eyes corrected it on their own so she didn’t need the correction in her spectacles.

As I learned more about vision therapy and who needs it, I realized quite a few things about my daughter that had seemed like idiosyncrasies were, in fact, symptomatic of her vision problem. For instance, when I gave her stickers and paper, she would pile all the stickers almost on top of each other in a little square, leaving the rest of the paper completely empty: she hyperfocused on a small area that she could see easily, rather than looking at the entire paper. She ran almost sideways, looking over one shoulder. She had never crawled as a baby.

Eyes that work!

Vision therapy (which I will post about more soon) brought rapid changes in more than her reading ability, which blossomed within two or three months of beginning the therapy (though reading was not part of the therapy). She began to run in a straight line. In gym class (her fine motor skills were excellent but she lacked most of the graces having to do with large muscle skills, so I enrolled her in a fun, low-pressure gymnastics class around age four) she had always been bottom of the class, but the summer of her vision therapy, every coach in the class came up to me to mention her sudden and (to them) inexplicable improvement. She was in vision therapy for about nine months and came out of it reading fluently and running straight. She no longer crosses her eyes when her glasses are off … or at least, only when she wants to.

That’s All, She Read

And that’s really all I have to say about how Nova learned to read, because that’s all there is. I read to her extensively, I surrounded her with books, I taught her to love books. When she hit a snag in her development, I found the help she needed to get past it and get on with her reading. As soon as her vision was straightened out, she began reading without any further instruction or encouragement from me; she was already desperate to read and had the entire skill set necessary for it, she just needed working vision to implement it. She skipped over a lot of the early childhood literature, moving quickly on from the simple first chapter books to complicated books well above her grade level.

I will add this note of caution: read to your children, let them see you loving books, but don’t necessarily expect this type of response. This is Nova’s personality and how she responded to books. In the next chapter of this series, you’ll read about her mirror opposite in the learning-to-read department: her brother Lock, who received the same amount of “book stimulation” she did, but responded very differently.

Some of my favorite children’s books.
Teach a Child to Read With Children’s Books by Mark Thogmartin: This is the only teaching reading book I recommend for homeschoolers. It takes the natural learning to read process as shown by my daughter and describes the process in a way many parents will find helpful, especially if they are not avid readers themselves. It also gives ways to encourage and enhance reading while keeping it meaningful and enjoyable.

“He’s Bullied, But He’s Still Got to Go to School!” … Doesn’t He?

Jonah Mowry posted this video of himself about his fear and despair at the thought of starting 8th grade, because of the severe bullying he has experienced since 1st grade … and he started cutting himself in 2nd grade. At some point – at several points – during the ensuing seven years, he has contemplated suicide.

Jonah was fortunate to get a positive response to his video, and the kids at his school responded by befriending rather than more bullying. I am exceedingly happy for him that he’s got some friends now, that he garnered good feedback and his bullies realized what they were doing.


But I find myself in a real morass of anger and confusion because of this video, because this can happen to a child in our society. Here is a child who began cutting himself when he was just seven or eight years old. Cutting! This is incredible to me, and I can’t help wondering: when he came home crying, and beat up from bullies, and bloody from his own hand …

Why did his parents send him back to school?

I do not mean to imply that Jonah’s parents didn’t care or weren’t aware of what was happening to their son. I will work from the assumption that they knew and that they were trying their hardest to find the best help available for him both at the school and outside the school. But knowing that this is not a one-time scenario, that this is happening every day to children all over this country, I have to wonder how it is that so many of us have bought into the idea that keeping these bullied children in school is the most important factor to consider in this equation?

How has the institutional school system so brainwashed us all that we have reached a point where it is more important for a child to learn to add and subtract than it is to protect him from this sort of animalistic behavior? How can we – we parents, we teachers, we school bureaucrats – think that it is okay for him to despise himself, his life, and his peers, as long as he can diagram a sentence properly?

I’m filing this in the “Stupid School Tricks” category because this does not happen anywhere except in school (and if the school does nothing to promote it, it certainly does very little of real impact to stop it). If this were happening to your child anywhere else – anywhere else: church, the YMCA, the park – you would stop it. You would talk to the Sunday School teacher or church board or just change churches. You would go to the Y at a different time, or find another place to work out. You would stay inside, or go to the park only when the bullies were in school. You would find options.

You would protect your child.

And yet, when a child is bullied to the point of self-mutilation and thoughts of suicide, rarely is the first thought of pulling him out of school. Nor the second, third, or fifty-second thought. It’s just not on the table. Parents, I know you are trying to help and protect your child, but you are thinking inside of a square whose lines have been drawn for you by people with a vested interest in keeping your child in school.

I admit I do wish that more parents would simply realize that removing school from the equation is a viable option, but I realize that they will not. They can’t think outside of that square because they don’t even realize the square is there, hemming them in. So what outrages me is not so much the parents as it is the system that drew us into the square and has us all brainwashed into thinking that no matter how bad it is inside the square for your kid, leaving the square – leaving school – is worse.

Just think: a whole bureaucratic system with a vested interest in keeping your child in school, no matter how bad it is for him there. How bad must it be when a bullied population has as its slogan “It Gets Better”? That is an awful sentiment! “Stick it out, kid, because someday you won’t be bullied any more.” How about not being bullied now, in the formative and most tender years? How about protecting our kids?

So, if you are the parent of a bullied child, please let me reassure you: pulling your kid out of school is not the worst thing in the world. Watching him go through seven (or more) years of hell on earth; watching the professionals paid to educate and guide him through his childhood sit back and say, “Hey, don’t worry, it gets better after you’re gone from here”; watching him lose his sense of himself as a person of worth; perhaps walking in one morning to find he has taken the next step and eliminated himself from the equation …

Please don’t watch your kid be bullied and think there’s nothing you can do because the system tells you “he’s got to go to school.”

NO, he doesn’t. Pulling him out of school and teaching him nothing would be a step in the right direction, would help him turn out to be a better person than letting him live through this sort of agony day in and day out and realizing that, to his parents and teachers, his mental state is of less importance than the fact that he must be educated so he can “make something of himself” at some hazy future date. How about helping him make something of himself right now, instead? How about helping him make himself into a whole person?

There are options. There are always options. One counselor might say, “Stick it out, it gets better.” Another counselor might say, “This other school is better, try it out.” But if your child is at this point, I have to say I think finding another counselor or switching schools is like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

Parents of bullied children: I know you want to help. I know are trying to help. But moving his chair to the sunny side of the deck doesn’t change the fact that his ship is going down. Be brave for your child. Be brave with your child. Try something different. Bring him home. Bring him to the safest place on earth for him, and let him heal.

Severe bullying is an excellent reason to try homeschooling. Think of it this way: even the schools are saying, “it gets better once they’re out of school.” Listen to them and take those words to heart. Get your child out of school now. Homeschooling is not the only option, but it is a good option to take into consideration.

I know single parents who make homeschooling work. I know two-working-parent families who make homeschooling work, or who find a way for one parent to quit and be home with the kids. I know homeschooling families who use grandparents or neighbors or friends from church who can be with the child during the day if he’s too young to stay alone. I know homeschool parents who need a little extra income and will sit for and teach the child of working parents, taking him to homeschool group meetings where he can make friends who won’t bully him.

No, homeschooled kids aren’t perfect, and of course there is some teasing, but that level of bullying just doesn’t happen in homeschool circles. It can’t. No homeschool parent would stand for it. The homeschooling parent already pulled her kid out of school; she isn’t going to hesitate to pull him out of a bad situation with a homeschool group.

And you shouldn’t hesitate to step outside the lines drawn and enforced by the institutional system, and pull your child out of a bad situation at school. It won’t be the worst thing in the world. Instead, it might be the best thing you ever do.

P.S. to the parents of the bullies: I’m talking to you too. Do you want to stop your child’s bullying behavior? Take him out of the situation that gives him that power, or that environment that makes him feel he needs to assert power over other children. Let him start living a real life without fear, which is often what prompts that types of behavior. Let him be safe too.

Jonah Mowry: A Typical Teenager
Does Homeschooling Prepare Students for the Real World?
Rebecca Black (YouTube Viral Video “Friday” Singer) Bullied into Homeschooling
Bullying: A Reason to Homeschool – series of posts looking at short-term homeschooling

Making the Choice: When Typical School Doesn’t Fit Your Atypical Child
by Corin Barsily Goodwin and Mika Gustavson: A look at the perceived barriers to homeschooling for children who don’t “fit” traditional schools, and how to find educational options that fully address your child’s academic and emotional needs.

You Learn to Teach by Teaching

Learn to be a TeacherA local radio station, KTAR, recently interviewed a friend and me about homeschooling. From a twenty-minute interview they put a couple of sound bites on drive-time radio the next morning (I didn’t hear it, but someone I know did!) and a brief article on their website. Thankfully, they didn’t try to make us or homeschooling in general look bad, which was pleasant! But I felt the author did pick out what could be considered my most inflammatory remarks and play them up, with the softening part played down, and I’d like to clarify. (Not to mention, they don’t really quote word-for-word; it’s more of a “gist of it” kind of quote.)

Carma Paden of Phoenix decided to home school her four children because she was turned off by what she calls the “institutional nature” of schools.

“There’s so little flexibility in schools, and so [little] ability to individualize education to the child,” Paden says. Paden has a four year degree in elementary education, and says first-year teachers are no better trained than the average parent on how to teach children. “Teachers that are just out of teaching college don’t know anything that you don’t know,” she says.

Paden believes that teachers coming right out of college may have learned how to manage a class of 30 kids, but they don’t start really learning how to teach until they work in the classroom as a student teacher.

She says that many people can learn how to teach their own kids by simply jumping in and doing it.

“You learn to teach by teaching,” says Paden. “That’s just as true with someone who has a four year degree as it is with a Mom.”

The reporter looked shocked when I said that teachers don’t know anything parents don’t know, and when he asked for clarification, I said something to the effect of, “Well, nothing that anyone with any four-year degree doesn’t know. What future teachers learn is classroom management and record keeping and so forth, but once that degree is in hand, they still have to learn to teach. You learn to teach by teaching, and parents can learn that just as easily as someone with a four-year teaching degree can.”

Who Can Teach?

This is not to denigrate teachers in any way, and please note that I am not comparing a first-time homeschooler to a twenty-year veteran teacher. Both of my parents are teachers, my sister is a teacher, and I chose teaching as my own potential profession. I am very aware that a majority of teachers love kids and are truly working their best to help them. As with any profession, there are some superlative examples, some quite dreadful examples, and a large middle population of people who are good to very good at their jobs.

No, my point is not that teachers can’t teach or don’t teach well; my point is not really anything to do with trained classroom teachers at all. My point is, anyone can learn to teach. The skills learned when acquiring a teaching degree are skills that are very specific to the classroom. My children and I do not live in a classroom, so those skills are unnecessary to me as a homeschooling mother. One learns to teach by teaching.

I’m happy to have my degree; there are parts of it that I find quite useful, not least the fact that that little voice that makes itself heard now and then inside the heads of most homeschooling mothers, the outraged little voice that says, “You’re not a trained teacher, what do you think you’re doing?” is not really something that I have to deal with for myself. Too, I find that sharing this knowledge with other homeschooling parents, especially those new to or just considering homeschooling, can open up a whole new way of looking at things for them and I am very pleased to be able to help them that way. If I had it to do over again, though, I wouldn’t choose education as my degree even knowing that I planned to homeschool. (In fact, there were several very specific factors in the last part of my college career that decided me quite firmly on homeschooling my own children, long before I had them. You can read that story here, if you’d like.)

You Learn to Teach by Teaching

I recently met another mom, one who has not chosen to homeschool. We were talking to a mutual friend and the subject of teacher training came up. I began with my usual spiel of what I had learned and not learned in teaching classes, and the new mom, the one who has her children in public school, started nodding along with me. Apparently she has a teaching degree too, and as if we had rehearsed it, she chorused with me at the end: You learn to teach by teaching!

So, my apologies to all the dedicated professional teachers out there. If for some reason I were unable to be at home with my children, I would be very glad of your services, in much the same way that if I had been unable to breastfeed my children, I would have been glad of formula. I’m glad it’s there, I know there are people who really need to use it, but I’m even more glad that I do not have to use public schools and can instead give my children the more personal, custom-tailored nurturing they can get at home.

I know someone will comment that there are a lot of things that a professional teacher could teach that I cannot, and I agree; that is true. On the other hand, there are many things I can teach my children that a professional teacher cannot. And, to be perfectly honest, there are even more things that my children can teach themselves than either of us could ever dream of, which is what they’re doing now.

So I’ll just leave all you veteran homeschoolers and new homeschoolers and thinking-about-homeschoolers out there – along with those who would never dream of homeschooling – with this thought:

There is no school equal to a decent home,
and no teacher equal to a virtuous parent.

~ Mohandas Gandhi

Hey, Gandhi said it, not me.


Why I Chose Homeschool Before I Had Children

10,000 Hours

When the Beatles were a fledgling band, they went to Hamburg, Germany, and spent several years playing more than 1,200 live shows in clubs and bars, accumulating over 10,000 hours of playing time. When they returned to England, they were a slick, professional band with a startling new sound no one had heard before. According to Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers, it takes 10,000 hours of practice to achieve expertise in any specific field.

Many of us would like to perform as well as the Beatles did at something – but who has the time? We’ve got jobs to work, kids to raise, bills to pay; taking time to pursue a dream is often nothing but a pipe dream itself. How many adults who are now accountants would rather be artists? How many lawyers would rather be authors? For that matter, how many secretaries might rather be accountants or lawyers?

Homeschooling, however, offers the unique opportunity for children to become experts in a field – maybe even more than one – if they have the desire and drive to achieve it, before becoming bogged down in the details of everyday adult life. In particular, unschooling gives the child even more time and space in which to achieve mastery.

At about the age of nine, my now sixteen-year-old daughter began trying to draw seriously. Her perfectionism frustrated her attempts until I got an artist’s light box for her, and showed her how to use it to trace and save the good parts of a drawing with which she was dissatisfied. That tool was the spark needed to light the fire.

Drawing quickly began to consume her thoughts. In less than a year she was drawing every day. She has carried a drawing bag with her everywhere – and I do mean everywhere! – for years. She draws in charcoal, colored pencil, and ink, or using her graphics pad on the computer, or her fingertip on my iPad. Failing that, she sketches on her own skin with a ball point pen! She has an account on Facebook that she rarely accesses, but is on her Deviant Art account (think: Facebook for artists) every day, interacting with her friends and fellow artists, viewing and commenting on artwork and receiving comments on her own.

For at least the past six years she has drawn an average of five hours a day (and five hours is a conservative estimate, I assure you). Even this very low estimate yields well over the 10,000 hours needed to become an expert in her chosen field: illustration.

I think it shows, don’t you?

Moonlit Flight by Nova

And I can’t help but look at this and wonder: how would it have been possible if she had been in public school, or even in a school-at-home program that took all her hours and energy?

Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell

Can You Teach?

Me vs. II’d like to answer this question from a public school teacher ranting on homeschooling: “So, first of all, homeschooling parent, you think you can teach English as well as me?”

Actually, Mr. Scaccia, I find myself wondering if you can teach English as well as I.

However, in the spirit of fraternity and community among teachers, I will hint that you might like to brush up on the proper use of me vs. I just a bit before your next stint in the classroom. And, just a suggestion: you might want to stop bragging about your English major unless you find a good proofreader. But hey, I guess it’s a step in the right direction that at least you didn’t say “as good as.”

Sweden Bans Homeschooling

Pippi LongstockingPoor Pippi Longstocking, the spirit of homeschooling and unschooling everywhere, has become an anachronism in her home country. While they have not technically banned homeschooling, Sweden has added a rider to the current laws that make it virtually illegal. While the law still allows for alternatives to public school, a new third requirement states that “exceptional circumstances” must be in effect. Under the Swedish judicial system, that is as close to a definitive “no” as you can get without an outright ban. The new laws include this note as to their motivation:

Current school conventions make it clear that the education in school shall be comprehensive and objective, and thereby be created so that all pupils can participate, no matter what religious or philosophical views the pupil or its legal guardian/s may have. In accordance with this it is the opinion of the Government that there is no need of a law to make possible homeschooling based on the religious of philosophical views of the family.

As Pat Farenga states in his blog post about this travesty: “So with the stroke of a pen we see how one’s religious and philosophical views are viewed as subjective baggage that government bureaucrats can dictate to be discarded and left at the door of government schooling.”

You can read the opinion of some Swedish homeschoolers in How the Swedish Government voted against a human right. They report that their government is unhappy with the international attention this issue has already garnered, and include a petition we can sign to support them in their fight against this outrageous ruling.

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